Bishop's Blog
If you are at a place of making some permanent decisions concerning your relationship, here are some thoughts to consider. Don’t stop here, visit our online bookstore and get your hands on teaching resources for relationships as well. Also listen to our online radio show for the many shows about relationships as well.
Divorce can be tough for everyone involved. It’s a permanent separation of two spirits, two souls, two families, etc. Don’t always see divorce as the first option unless there is physical or verbal abuse involved, or irreconcilable adultery. In no circumstance should abuse ever be tolerated. Many times people know early in a marriage whether or not the marriage will work.
If there is constant bickering about things that don’t matter, that is a red flag that there are deeper issues brewing. If a couple has violence, either physically or verbally, early on or at any time, that is a red flag. If there is obvious disapproval from either family, don’t just brush it off… ask yourself why everyone doesn’t like them and start investigating the matter.
Before resorting to divorce, be sure that you’ve done everything you could have to see the relationship work. Have you prayed together? Have you fasted together? Are the issues you want to divorce over something that you can live with? Are you reacting out of pure emotion? Is the husband submitted to his pastor? If not, there’s no way he can be an effective spiritual leader because it’s contrary to the order of God. Are you just being selfish? Did God tell you all to marry in the first place or was it your own doing? If you find that there is no other option but divorce, use wisdom.
Talk with your pastor and take it one step at a time. Don’t worry about trying to get even with the other person, but stay in prayer. In a divorce, seek wise legal counsel and keep unnecessary parties out of it. Most importantly, don’t think that the “Christian” thing to do is be a doormat. Sometimes relationships that do need to end are prolonged for the wrong reasons. Generally speaking, relationships that continue for the sake of children or for financial reasons are already over, the couple just doesn’t know it yet. Many times staying in a bad relationship can be more damaging for children than a divorce. Children are incredibly resilient and can bounce back much more quickly than adults. Staying together for money is putting your trust in things and not in God. God is your source and never a man or a woman.
Here’s a great question that came in about a relationship -
I am most confused about my marriage, why my wife never let go of her mother. It has been a curse in their family, the children won’t move without the mothers approval. My wife has lied, covered, bucked, ran away, all at the behest of her mother of sometimes other influences. I can’t get her to do simple things that I ask because she was raised that the man in the marriage has no power or authority. She changes but it takes years and only after she has fought me to the end. When she sees the marriage is headed for divorce she will straighten up but it never lasts. I fear divorce is my only option, she admitted that she really doesn’t know how to respect me.
What a loaded question… Relationships, no matter what kind, require HARD WORK! Many times people can be their own worst enemies because they refuse to look in the mirror and deal with reality. It’s convenient and easy to live in denial because you get to create your own reality. The Bible is clear about how marriage should be set up. It’s God’s order that the man be the leader of his wife and his family. A woman must submit, but a man must have a “mission” for her to submit to hence the term “submission.” Many times we choose to ignore red flags early in relationships and those things turn into monsters later on in the relationship. In this question, the wife didn’t just start acting like that, she’s always been that way. The husband should ask what made him ignore that? If she doesn’t know HOW to respect you, it may be because she DOESN’T respect you. Would she disrespect a male supervisor? Her pastor?
Men want respect and women want love and when either don’t get what they want, many times they’ll withold what the other wants and you begin a crazy cycle. She doesn’t respect him so he doesn’t love her and he doesn’t love her so she doesn’t respect him.
The wife in this situation must choose what she wants. YOU CAN’T MAKE ANYONE CHANGE!! So there’s no use in trying… You can only change yourself! Many times some family members can mean well, but end up costing people more than they can afford. That’s why God told Abram in Genesis 12, to get away from his father’s house — here’s the wild part, Terah, Abram’s father, was ALREADY DEAD!!
God was telling him to get away from the dysfunctional habits and curses of his bloodline and from the influence of his nonspiritual family members. But Abram thought his plan was better, so he took his nephew Lot along with him and of course you know the story…there was nothing but DRAMA!! So much drama they agreed to separate and not to interact with one another. What I find interesting is that God didn’t speak to Abram again until AFTER He got rid of the influence of Lot (his dysfunctional family member)…….. I recommend picking up the teachings “Why Did I Get Married?” and “Married with Children” and even “Before You Say I Do” from our online store at www.harvestcc.me There are also several radio shows that I’ve done on relationships at www.blogtalkradio.com/bkfm
We’re praying for God’s best in that situation!!
