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This is the official blog of Dr. Kevin Foreman, senior pastor of Harvest Christian Center.

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Posts tagged "Divorce"

A blended family involves children from different relationships that are now joined together under one household. Blended families are tough when there isn’t good planning and communication. Most couples get together thinking that all children will get along and many times that’s not the case. Kids comes from different backgrounds and are used to different rules and disciplinary systems among several other things. The age of the children also plays a big part in how easy a family can blend together. If the children are younger, then they may not know anything else, but if there are older, especially teenagers, you are dealing with a totally different situation.

Step-parents can’t come in with the “everything changes” mindset. It will make kids resent you. Instead, if a family is preparing to blend, the family should have a family meeting and discuss exactly what is getting ready to take place. Don’t assume that things will just work out because they won’t. Failing to plan is planning to fail. Don’t give the devil any place in your home. The way you do that is through communication. Talk about the specifics - who will clean what, how will discipline be handled, what are the new house rules, etc.

If you communicate, pray, and plan, then a blended family can be very effective. If you don’t it will be a nightmare.

Handling Divorce

If you are at a place of making some permanent decisions concerning your relationship, here are some thoughts to consider. Don’t stop here, visit our online bookstore and get your hands on teaching resources for relationships as well. Also listen to our online radio show for the many shows about relationships as well.

Divorce can be tough for everyone involved. It’s a permanent separation of two spirits, two souls, two families, etc. Don’t always see divorce as the first option unless there is physical or verbal abuse involved, or irreconcilable adultery. In no circumstance should abuse ever be tolerated. Many times people know early in a marriage whether or not the marriage will work.

If there is constant bickering about things that don’t matter, that is a red flag that there are deeper issues brewing. If a couple has violence, either physically or verbally, early on or at any time, that is a red flag. If there is obvious disapproval from either family, don’t just brush it off… ask yourself why everyone doesn’t like them and start investigating the matter.

Before resorting to divorce, be sure that you’ve done everything you could have to see the relationship work. Have you prayed together? Have you fasted together? Are the issues you want to divorce over something that you can live with? Are you reacting out of pure emotion? Is the husband submitted to his pastor? If not, there’s no way he can be an effective spiritual leader because it’s contrary to the order of God. Are you just being selfish? Did God tell you all to marry in the first place or was it your own doing? If you find that there is no other option but divorce, use wisdom.

Talk with your pastor and take it one step at a time. Don’t worry about trying to get even with the other person, but stay in prayer. In a divorce, seek wise legal counsel and keep unnecessary parties out of it. Most importantly, don’t think that the “Christian” thing to do is be a doormat. Sometimes relationships that do need to end are prolonged for the wrong reasons. Generally speaking, relationships that continue for the sake of children or for financial reasons are already over, the couple just doesn’t know it yet. Many times staying in a bad relationship can be more damaging for children than a divorce. Children are incredibly resilient and can bounce back much more quickly than adults. Staying together for money is putting your trust in things and not in God. God is your source and never a man or a woman.