Bishop's Blog

Here’s a relationship question that came in that I wanted to address -

I was listening to your show the other day about advice from men to single ladies waiting to be found…I have experienced just recently, alot of men coming at me telling me they love me or I’m the one for them, etc. Now I just got out of a relationship that he told me the same things and I believed him though it was all lies. After talking to these individuals a little while they start trying to talk about sex. Now my question is….Would sex be a topic for conversation when getting to know someone? I ask because it seems to be a topic that comes up with every man that has approached [me]. Would a serious man of God bring that up in a conversation or is it he probably has an alternative motive?

GREAT QUESTION!!! Generally, for Christians, sex shouldn’t be a discussion that’s had too early in the early stages of getting to know someone, ESPECIALLY in the first 90 days when you’re still in the “ecstasy” stage of a relationship, which means your mind is not able to distinguish things properly because you are still in the stage of thinking everything smells and is good. If someone brings sex up early in discussions, it’s revealing a motive to you. Unfortunately, many times in the Body of Christ we don’t talk about dating and relationships and answer questions like this and so people are unprepared to handle issues like this…

The key in dating and relationships is to pray and ask the Lord for discernment AND that when God shows you something you PAY ATTENTION. There are many times the Lord will show you something, but you may not be willing to pay attention to it. If the Lord allows you to keep being confronted with the same thing, it could mean that somehow there’s some lesson that still needs to be learned so you don’t have to keep repeating the same test.

Here’s a golden key - when dating, LET THE OTHER PERSON TALK!!! Don’t be so quick to do all of the talking, let them reveal what’s really inside of them and they will!

Here’s a great question that came in about a relationship -

I am most confused about my marriage, why my wife never let go of her mother. It has been a curse in their family, the children won’t move without the mothers approval. My wife has lied, covered, bucked, ran away, all at the behest of her mother of sometimes other influences. I can’t get her to do simple things that I ask because she was raised that the man in the marriage has no power or authority. She changes but it takes years and only after she has fought me to the end. When she sees the marriage is headed for divorce she will straighten up but it never lasts. I fear divorce is my only option, she admitted that she really doesn’t know how to respect me.

What a loaded question… Relationships, no matter what kind, require HARD WORK! Many times people can be their own worst enemies because they refuse to look in the mirror and deal with reality. It’s convenient and easy to live in denial because you get to create your own reality. The Bible is clear about how marriage should be set up. It’s God’s order that the man be the leader of his wife and his family. A woman must submit, but a man must have a “mission” for her to submit to hence the term “submission.” Many times we choose to ignore red flags early in relationships and those things turn into monsters later on in the relationship. In this question, the wife didn’t just start acting like that, she’s always been that way. The husband should ask what made him ignore that? If she doesn’t know HOW to respect you, it may be because she DOESN’T respect you. Would she disrespect a male supervisor? Her pastor?

Men want respect and women want love and when either don’t get what they want, many times they’ll withold what the other wants and you begin a crazy cycle. She doesn’t respect him so he doesn’t love her and he doesn’t love her so she doesn’t respect him.

The wife in this situation must choose what she wants. YOU CAN’T MAKE ANYONE CHANGE!! So there’s no use in trying… You can only change yourself! Many times some family members can mean well, but end up costing people more than they can afford. That’s why God told Abram in Genesis 12, to get away from his father’s house — here’s the wild part, Terah, Abram’s father, was ALREADY DEAD!!

God was telling him to get away from the dysfunctional habits and curses of his bloodline and from the influence of his nonspiritual family members. But Abram thought his plan was better, so he took his nephew Lot along with him and of course you know the story…there was nothing but DRAMA!! So much drama they agreed to separate and not to interact with one another. What I find interesting is that God didn’t speak to Abram again until AFTER He got rid of the influence of Lot (his dysfunctional family member)…….. I recommend picking up the teachings “Why Did I Get Married?” and “Married with Children” and even “Before You Say I Do” from our online store at www.harvestcc.me There are also several radio shows that I’ve done on relationships at www.blogtalkradio.com/bkfm

We’re praying for God’s best in that situation!!